Then she threw a troll at me
by Theatrics-In-My-Blood
Summary: Valduggery fic. Skeletons just aren't good with things like this. His breakup hasn't gone well, Val's hiding something, and he can't help but wish this was something he could solve with magic and punches. No such luck.
1. Troll! In the library

Skulduggery Pleasant holstered his gun and staggered out. His suit was torn, he had no idea where his hat had gone, and he was _not _looking forward to explaining the giant troll in the middle of the floor to the Grand Mage.

This was one mission he should have brought Valkyrie along for.

He stumbled into the Bentley, brushing bits of monster from his shoulder. The car purred to life and soon the pier came into view. As always, the water was grey and harsh. The waves plunged and reared like the ghosts of horses, and threw themselves wildly against the sky. Skulduggery thought them beautiful.

He got out and leaned on the bonnet. Any other time, he would have used the facade, but it was useless. At three in the morning, no-one was about, and those that were had seen much worse than skeletons.

"You look rough." Valkyrie said cheerfully.

"Good evening to you as well," he replied, his voice dry "Now remind me why you dragged me down here at this time? God knows you need your beauty sleep."

She frowned in mock hurt and shoved him playfully. Skulduggery couldn't help thinking how much of a lie that was. Here, with the stars glinting off her hair and the waves crashing behind her, she had never looked more alive.

"It doesn't matter," she said off-handedly, not entirley masking the sudden apprehension in her eyes "The real question is; what did that to your suit and why wasn't I there to laugh at you while it happened?"

Oh. How could he explain to her? There was no way he could lie. To tell the truth however, would mean certain death. He winced inwardly. There was nothing for it, he would have to tell her what had happened, and pray she took it lightly..

"I...Uh.." He cleared his throat. "I went to talk to China, about.. Things. She sent a troll after me."

Valkyrie quirked an eyebrow, but the shock was plain on her face. That was bad, it meant she knew; Had China told her? Skulduggery would have rolled his eyes, he would never understand women.

"Then I guess your not together anymore?"

Skulduggery shook his head.

"Why not?" Her tone was flippant.

Skulduggery groaned. This was going to be interesting...


	2. Delicate Flower

"Well..." he began uncertainly "It just..wasn't working out."

She sighed "Skulduggery! First of all, that is not a reason, and second, it was working for her. You could have at least, talked to her about it or something..."

Skulduggery shook his head. No, he couldn't talk to her about it. How could he explain to her, perfect, beautiful China, that he just didn't _love _her? This entire thing had been a fix from the start. He'd only asked her out because Valkyrie had said she liked him, and told him he needed to get out more. Yes, he'd had a good time, and he valued China as a friend, but he had no idea how deeply she felt about him!

Being a detective, this hurt his heart _and _his professional pride.

"No I couldn't have! She'd have sent more than a troll for me. Besides, it wasn't as if I didn't try, but I was too busy dodging flying books to be diplomatic. That woman, by the way, has exceptionally good aim."

Valkyrie fixed him the kind of Look that deserves a capital letter. Skulduggery would have quailed, if his ego hadn't been above such things. Then, like a breath of air, she softened. When she spoke, it was with gentle exasperation.

"You really have no idea what you're doing, do you?"

He shook his head.

"Well, I don't think you were deliberatley being stupid then. Seriously though, why wasn't it working? It wasn't because-"

She flushed scarlet. Skulduggery knew what she meant instantly, and laughed. _Trust Valkyrie to think of that._

"No it wasn't because I couldn't kiss her, the facade took care of that. I appreciate you being delicate though." He added with a hint of sarcasm. Continuing, he decided the best course of action was honesty. "I guess I never liked her like that. She was too gorgous, too fragile. I knew I was being stupid, but I felt like I was tainting her. A girl like that deserves more than a skeleton with someone elses head. In fact, most people do."

His pride, now cowering in the back of his mind in shame, evaporated completely. Yet, to his surprise, no stinging remark came from his partner.

"Anyone would be lucky to have you," she said pleasantly "so you can shut up about not being good enough. As for China, I bet she's killed as many as you, so she's hardly a delicate flower." She paused. "...But if you say you didn't love her, I guess you did the right thing."

"Thanks," he muttered, recovering slightly "For the vote of confidence."

Valkyrie giggled, and it floated through the air between them. Skulduggery felt himself relax. But she wasn't done.

"You have Troll spit on your sleeve, by the way."


End file.
